> Do chicks this Hot even poop?

She is such a hottie I bet she does not even menstruate or defecate. Angels do not bleed. Angels do not pinch one off. She just glows, drinks ice water, and the universe handles the rest. I would still let her poop on my face if she asked. Not proud of that.

I saw her in a bikini and my brain did the old cartoon thing, tongue on the floor, steam out the ears, a little flag popping out of my shorts. Perfect body, over the top, the kind of girl who makes a grocery store look like a music video. Then the thought hit: somewhere there is a dude who is sick of her shyt. That dude is a lunatic or he has already won the lottery so many times he forgot how the tickets work.

My theory is she does not produce waste because God already used the good clay. No period stains. No bathroom sounds. No mid-date "hold on" while she goes to drop a deuce like a mortal. She evaporates it. She photosynthesizes. She is so hot the plumbing is decorative. I know that is stupid. I also know I would kneel under her like a bidet with a personality disorder.

If she asked me to be the toilet I would not negotiate. I would lie down, open my mouth, and take whatever came out of that perfect hole like it was communion. Shame is a luxury for men who have options. I have a face and a pulse and a willingness to be ruined by someone who should never have to wipe.

The not-proud part is the only honest part. I am not writing this from a leather club with a safe word laminated on the fridge. I am writing this because the sight of her made my standards fall through the floor and keep falling until they hit the sewer main. You see a body like that and your dignity files for unemployment. You start bargaining with God about what you would accept. Sweat puddle. Grool on a shirt. A warm toilet seat that still smells like the last tenant. Then you skip all of that and go straight to "poop on my face, please," because your brain has already decided she is too pretty to be real and therefore nothing she does can be disgusting.

It can. Shyt is still shyt. Hers would still be brown and warm and it would still smell like a crime against HVAC. I would still say yes. That is the confession. The hottie exemption is real and it makes you a clown. You would drink bathwater if she stepped in it. You would lick a sauna bench. You would let her use your tongue as toilet paper and then thank her for the protein.

Somewhere a boyfriend is sighing because she left a wet towel on the bed again. He has access. He is bored. I am out here drafting a marriage proposal to her colon. The gap between those two men is the entire sexual marketplace in one ugly sentence. He has her. I have a forum post and a face that is available for deposits.

If she ever asked, I would not even make a joke first. I would just get on the floor. Not proud. Still true.